1) tak move on
2) kata move on tapi meroyan serupa tak
3) awak,yg tak pernah nak move on kisah lama tambah kisah baru. "
2) kata move on tapi meroyan serupa tak
3) awak,yg tak pernah nak move on kisah lama tambah kisah baru. "
Tapi tak mustahil seandainya seorang manusia itu punyai satu ada dua jenis kriteria di atas kan? I'm referring these directly to me. Yes, me. Ini bukan membuka pekung di dada, but it has been a long time since the old days where I usually choose to write everything that messed up with my mind. I'm facing my hard time, where feelings mixed up and destroyed everything, again.
Dulu, waktu mula-mula nak delete my heartbroken moment, ada seorang insan yang datang and cheered me up. Make me lose my sleep but I never regretted it. Seronok, malam-malam bergayut and talk about everything. Sampai satu saat, rasa diri ni have been strong enough to let go the sadness and try to move on. Cukup bahagia, tak ada celanya masa tu. But actually, I wasn't strong enough. Where there was this one time, suddenly I've missed the moment, and my past (him). And as usual, I always made decision without think deeply and carefully. Buat keputusan ikut sedap hati and hurt the guy who has treated me so nicely. Walhal sebenarnya, I did a wrong decision. As always. As always. Masa ni la orang kata acah-acah dah move on walhal ada masa gila naik meroyan. Fool me. Fool me for letting my nice guy disappointed and hurt.
But after that, we managed to discuss (what I actually want, what is the right things for me and fikir balik sedalam-dalamnya what had happened and will happen if I do this or if I do that) and get the things right back again on its place.
I guess everyone has a crush. Kan? Tapi orang kata crush ni is someone who we adore secretly. Crush kan? Tapi kalau dah jenis minat dekat orang tu lepas tu kawan dan jadi rapat? I'm surely enough akan ada timbul rasa sayang and makin susah nak lupa dekat crush ni and sangat possible for it to disturb your current relationship. I have experienced this problem. Few times. Eh tak, dua kali.
One time was when I was in former one. 13 years old. Had a crush on this one boy. Sekelas dengan dia, for two months macam tu then dia pindah sekolah. Lepas tu masa Form 4, where me myself pun dah pindah sekolah, we managed to contact each other back. Masa tu Tuhan je yang tau betapa excitednya diri ni to find him back. We text each other, and jadi rapat. Kejap. I always fell for a bad boy without aware myself that I could be hurt. Lepas tu lost contact balik then masa dekat matrik I found him back. Crush kan? Tiba-tiba, got one chance to meet him so we met. Walhal masa tu I was in a relationship with someone. Yes, I cheated.
But then after our first met tu, I know that I've been so fooled for not respecting myself, for letting myself being hurt and sewenang-wenangnya being cheat on my current relationship that time. Teruk, yes I was being bad. Baaad.
I regretted and I try to move on. But it doesn't last longer. We met again. Getting myself for a journey that actually will hurt myself again, soooo badly. And yes, it hurts me. Sooooo badly. So got a crush on someone for about 6 years, few times being hurt till I can't barely hold it on - I know that it was time to really move on and forget what doesn't give any benefit for me :') (But this time, I haven’t develop any sayang feeling, as this guy was actually a bit mean towards me)
Entered a college, meet and find many interesting people. But there’s this one guy where I certainly like him from the very beginning I saw him. Yes, this lead to another disappointment again. Like againnnnn. Secretly like him, befriended with him and being closed. These certainly led to another heart broke eventho you have got yourself into two different love relationship. I mean after one guy, break up with him and then being with the other guy but you still have a crush on the same person. Till now. Sampai dah develop a bit rasa sayang which I shouldn't have. Pathetic, really pathetic right?
The one person who is being hurt badly is actually someone who is really really closed with me. Yes. Sangat sakit as he knew almost everything. I don't know how to choose. I don't know how to tell myself that I'm actually doing the wrong things. I don't know how to stop from hurting myself and other people. Where actually I already have the one who loved me, the one who knows that he doesn't take me as the one who can be played, who doesn't use me, who actually take me seriously in his current life. I don't know how to appreciate people who has gave so many things, times and sacrificed almost everything - his time with his friends, with those more important things than me. Screw me. Screw me, I should have been thrown to hell.
And now, I'm trying to heal myself from those unimportant things in my life. Enough with this silly crush (almost 3 years). I should have been focus on my studies, should have been focus on my current relationship (even it's getting of a bit terumbang-ambing right now as I'm the bad one, the one who asked so many things without think rationally- bit rational actually but bit selfish), should have been focus on what I actually want in my future - career, repay my parents kindness and hard time in raising me up, be a good sister towards my brother and younger sister, be a good friend, get involve with a more serious relationship where lead to a marriage, more knowledge in life skills - cooking, kemas rumah, etc and how to handle silly problems. I'm turning twenty-three this year, where I should have remember this philosophy of life - more older, more wiser.
Enough from hurting myself and other important people feelings. Enough.
